I sat on the table, hidden behind big boxes of various colors and designs. They each had been viciously torn open. Many of the creatures here eat the shiny wrapped things inside of me. The thought of getting their hands on one makes them come running and screaming. They grab me and hang me on a tree branch by the back of my neck. They begin to crowd below and poke at me, eagerly wanting the candy. They grab a baseball bat. oh crap. Each of them beat me with the stick, spinning me around and shaking my insides. The more they try the harder they hit me. Eventually they had broken off my leg, a few pieces of candy fell and they all swarmed to it as if they were starving animals. However, the candy only encouraged them more. They began to beat me vehemently and more of my candy spilled onto the grass. Then one of them knocked my head off. They all screamed and snatched the candy, pushing each other over in the process. One of them jumped up, ripped my body off the string, shook out what was left inside of it, and then threw it aside. If I had tear glands, I would cry at the sight of these savages.
- Alyssa Schnell
I really loved your post! You did great when it came to describing the thoughts and actions of everyone -- I could really put myself into the situation. I noticed one capitalization error, so make sure you double check before posting. Other than that it was great!
ReplyDeleteI love how you depicted the thoughts of the piñata. Thus is very well written. One thing is that you didn't not capitalize oh crap. Also you made it seem like in the third sentence the piñata did not know what candy was but a few sentences later it did. Other than that I really enjoyed your blog.
ReplyDelete